I'm jealous of your bromance
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
