I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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