you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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