its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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