guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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