burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
