we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
