I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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