what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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