need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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