you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
