So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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