i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm always down for nudity.
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