this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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