final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
