BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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