is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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