She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
