I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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