I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
