I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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