i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
