Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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