so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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