yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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