Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
