I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
