wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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