Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
