At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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