That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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