i think my mom watched the whole time
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
