Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
