this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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