I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
