My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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