Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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