Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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