I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
