i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
