I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
