i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
