I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
