Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
