I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
where are my eyebrows?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
