never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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