Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
