Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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