They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
