you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
