I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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