Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
