One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
