You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
