I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
