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• (302): View more from Delaware

  i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.

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• (631): View more from New York

  After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.

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• (818): View more from California

  Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence

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• (713): View more from Texas

  You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.

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