He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
