youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize