I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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