Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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