You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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