We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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