Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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