"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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