Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
