If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
