youre lurking in front of me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
