I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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