hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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