We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
