What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
