had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
