My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
